This morning started off the same, which was kind of getting me down. My virtual world is rich with friendship, but my real life has been feeling lonely. It's up to me, I know, to nurture friendships. To join in. To get out. To ask for a spot. Easier said than done is the reality, though, so there you have it. I watched Genevieve from a distance walk out on the playground before school. Bouncing from one group of kids to the next, not quite finding her place. She settled by a tree, pulled her toy dog out of her secret inside pocket and started playing by herself. It broke my heart. Watching her find her way. Knowing that there isn't always an open space waiting to be filled.
Marguerite and I headed downtown for a hot chocolate date and to get a start on holiday shopping. It was windshield-scraping-cold, clear, sunny, sparkly. Just right for getting out of a funk and in to the holiday spirit. Shopping local, walking hand in hand with my smiling three year old. Five blocks away from my car and it all fell apart. Marguerite didn't want to hold hands anymore. She wanted to run away from me with no awareness of the cars whizzing by. I made her hold me hand. She started to scream. So I picked her punching, screaming, crying body up and started walking fast. We were quite the scene and people certainly were staring. Our down coats slipping against each other, making her flailing body almost impossible to hold on to while carrying two shopping bags and my purse. First I thought about looking composed. Then I thought about how certain situations are beyond composure. Then she kicked her boots off in the middle of an intersection. Then I started to cry. Fuck composure.
Six orange vested utility workers had been watching us make our way. One of them ran over to pick up the boots. Two others joined us. The were kind eyed and able bodied. I handed my purse (that's right, I handed my purse to a stranger) to one of them and my shopping bags to the others. They walked me the remaining two blocks to my car. I was laughing through my tears by the time we got there. If they had busted into a choreographed dance and started singing Lean On Me in a capella I wouldn't have been surprised. I found a spot in the most unlikeliest of places.
WOW Dear, that is so Wild!, I would have been crying right along with you, I heard "The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music" on my way out to walk the dogs the other night and choked UP!. I've always been a sap so your scene would have been right up my alley, just thought of a great idea for all my little girl fantasy's to include all the little girls I know, sure wish you were closer! Love Lynne...would you just let me know somehow that you see these responses of mine if only this once, thanks I feel like I don't know where they are going, and I just want to respond to you
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