Dog Days

I read this essay on Mamalode today, and it so spoke to how I've been feeling the past few days.  Summer is here.  The season that I yearn for during the dark and rainy months.  It's hot, the garden is exploding, schedules are wide open, little girl cheeks are sun kissed.  And with that, everything seems dirtier, stickier, slower, more irritable, more chaotic. 

Enjoy the moment.  Not an original thought.  Sometimes hard to achieve.  Today I came to terms with something, took pause, really sorted out how I was feeling.  I've been carrying around a tightly wrapped package of sadness that was delivered to me well after our decision to not have more than two kids was made permanent.  It's not regret.  It's not denial.  Just a lingering sadness that with so many firsts come as many lasts. 

I watched them from a distance, still babies if I squint my eyes towards the sun just right, playing wildly, kids and dads.  I drew breath, relaxed my shoulders, and felt long sun warmed hair down my back.

At peace.