Tender Now

I was in my early twenties when a close friend broke the news to me.  It's not all rainbows and butterflies, Andrea.  I was devastated.  Her real life words stung.  The thing is - it really had been all rainbows and butterflies.  Sure, there had been hard things.  Hard times.  Hard feelings.  But never too much to overshadow optimism.  Kindness.  Happiness.  Love.  Hope.  Health.  Dreams.

Three weeks ago today I had a full rainbow and butterfly eclipse.  My life swept me off my feet and landed me in bed.  For days.  And days.

One minute I'm on my hands and knees picking up the zip lock baggie full of goldfish crackers that Marguerite distributed wildly and widely on the floor of the bathroom - an oversight of a three year old mixing the joys of pirouettes and snacking.  Seconds later I'm immobilized.  My back screaming in pain.  My legs unable to move.  Boom.  Game over.  Bedridden.  For days.  The most panicky and claustrophobic inertia.  Drew and the girls tending to my EVERY need.  My little girls without their mama, ramping up to a level of self sufficiency that was heartbreaking. 

Mayday.  I called for my mom.  She packed and traveled in a day.  She guided me out of the woods and kept my family fed, schooled, and out of squalor.  Did I fail to mention that first grader head lice, matched by a spontaneously broken vacuum cleaner AND washing machine greeted her at the door?  I have no other words for this than a shit storm.

I know it could all be so much worse.  I know that the golden love of family enabled me to weather this.  I know that perspective shaves off the calluses of life.  Tender now is my kindness.  Happiness.  Love.  Hope.  Health.  Dreams.  And fucking BIG double sun dog rainbows and monarch butterflies in my sky.