Monday, November 26, 2012


Some days I'm bored out of my mind and yearn for my brain to fire in a different way.  It's the constant state of responsibility that comes with being a parent that bowls me over with its magnitude.  I felt it engage a few hours after Genevieve was born, that realization that the little baby in my arms was going to need me around the clock and that clock keeps on ticking indefinitely.  No beginning, no end, infinite need. 

Now, a couple of years removed from the underwater world of caring for a newborn, I still feel the weight of the constant state of mamahood, and the circular motion of time soldiers on.  I'm creeping up on a year of being home with my girls full time.  Most days it feels just right and I have the energy and humor to be present and happy.  I use the clock to keep myself challenged and motivated. I tap in to my competitive side and create deadlines and timelines to stomp down monotony. 

Today was different.  I slowed my tempo to half time.  If my job is to care for my daughters and manage my home, I thought to myself, that means my job is 24/7.  So why not move slow?  Take twice as long.  No need to rush, I've got all day and all night.  It was when I was folding laundry like a sloth,

that I realized my new life approach wasn't going to get me very far in the sea of happiness.  So I'm back to it.  Slamming coffee, blaring Dropkick Murphy's, eternally underestimating how long it will take me to get from point A to point B, feeling the adrenaline of a fast approaching deadline, talking too fast and listening too slow.  I'm back on track, with the kitchen timer set.  Go!

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